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What if Willie Mays Hayes had a 1989 Donruss baseball card?

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Looking back on baseball’s steroid era and all of its allegedly tainted stars, one would have never guessed that some fingers might be pointing at Willie Mays Hayes.

hayesI don’t think I buy it. I mean, the guy’s listed at 160 pounds on our roster. And this guy was more concerned about his shoes and his batting gloves than working out. (Great taste in cars, too.)

Just like Tony LaRussa‘s talented squads in Oakland and St. Louis, my entire roster has always been clean. Lou Brown doesn’t tolerate cheaters. (Well, except Eddie Harris — but he was only around my first season.)

Sure, Hayes bulked up over the winter after his rookie year — probably to star in Black Hammer, White Lightning with Jesse “The Body” Ventura (great flick; see the trailer after the jump).

But some people say he looked a lot different in Major League II. And, sure, he developed some power. But I still don’t buy it.

Then again, that guy sure could do a lot of push-ups …

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What if Harry Doyle had a 1989 Donruss baseball card?

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What can you say about Harry Doyle? The guy wears his team pride on his sleeve just like he wears his Jack Daniel’s behind his right ear.

Everybody in my clubhouse knows I’m not one for giving inspirational addresses — and I could care less about sportswriters. But the voice of the Tribe is a Hall of Famer, and the host of Tepee Talk gets my attention when he’s on the air.

We share a common bond — we can’t stand Jack Parkman or Rachel Phelps. Now that I’m retired, I can say it. Harry, though, is still behind the microphone to this day.

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What if Jobu had a 1989 Donruss baseball card?

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Normally, I’d never be a fan of non-Indians personnel in my team’s locker room, but this guy made things happen. (Sorry, Duke and Pepper.)

I’m not big on the whole religion thing — my momma always thought a belt was effective — but Pedro Cerrano‘s spiritual advisor, Jobu, was a master of inspiring clutch performances.

(Forget that Derek Jeter guy…)

If any non-player deserved a baseball card, Jobu was it.

Unfortunately, nobody knows the whereabouts of Jobu today. That’s a shame, because he could seriously help out some players in MLB today. (Read: A-Rod.)

After all, he did plenty for helping Cerrano with the curveball, and I had to think that he inspired ol’ Eddie Harris in our playoff game vs. the Yankees.

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What if Ricky Vaughn had a 1989 Donruss baseball card?

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Ricky Vaughn was one of GM Charlie Donovan‘s greatest scouting projects ever.

But I’m just glad we got him some glasses.

I needed some, too, since I apparently can’t tell the difference between Nolan Ryan and Sandy Koufax on my office wall, but anyway …

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What if Jake Taylor had a 1989 Donruss baseball card?

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Jake Taylor was the glue that held my Indians together in 1988, and I don’t care what they say about his knees.

This guy is a star even if he was distracted chasing that former Olympic swimmer all around Cleveland.

He got the job done when it matters — and he gets my respect for leading the team in my absence in Major League II.

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What if I, Lou Brown, had a 1989 Donruss baseball card?

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My Cleveland Indians never got any respect, despite a pair of division titles and a couple of postseason runs.

And then we were broken up via free agency so Rachel Phelps could make a buck.

And the ultimate sign of disrespect is that we never appeared on any real baseball cards.

But what if I, Lou Brown, had a card? Well, I do — sort of.

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